In a heartfelt discussion about the challenges of parenthood, actor Greg Wise has opened up about the emotional journey he and his wife, Emma Thompson, faced while trying to conceive a second child. The couple, who celebrated their wedding in 2003, expressed their deep sense of grief when they were unable to conceive again after the birth of their daughter, Gaia, in December 1999.
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During a recent podcast appearance on Elizabeth Day’s How To Fail, Wise shared the couple’s struggles with in vitro fertilisation (IVF). He described the poignant experience as one filled with ‘anticipatory grief’—the mourning for a family that was hoped for but ultimately never materialised. As Wise poignantly put it, the failed attempts at conceiving brought with them a feeling of failure that was difficult to grapple with, conditioned by societal expectations surrounding parenthood.
Emma Thompson, who is now 67, had been approaching her 40th birthday when the couple’s fertility struggles became more pronounced. Wise reflected on the shared sorrow that came with the ordeal, noting that they had pursued medical tests and even travelled to New York in hopes of expanding their family. Despite their relentless efforts, including multiple unsuccessful IVF cycles, they eventually had to confront the reality that they might not have another child.
“It’s brutal anyway,” Wise remarked during the podcast, shedding light on the particularly challenging nature of IVF, which comes with its own emotional baggage. According to Wise, this sense of failure is further exacerbated by the ingrained societal narratives that define masculinity and femininity around the ability to procreate.
While they found joy in raising their daughter, Wise expressed that the absence of a biological sibling for Gaia was a source of disappointment. “Even if we couldn’t give her a biological sibling, we felt exquisite love for her,” he stated. His struggle, however, revolved around the need to suppress his own feelings in order to support Thompson during her grieving process.
Emma Thompson had previously shared her own experiences with fertility challenges in a 2010 interview with The Guardian, revealing that after conceiving Gaia through IVF, she had tried for another three years with no success. The emotional toll of this journey was not lost on her partner, who spoke of the societal pressure to conform to traditional roles of parenthood.
In 2004, the couple took a different path by informally adopting Tindyebwa Agaba Wise, a 16-year-old refugee from Rwanda. Wise highlighted the importance of love and connection within their family, regardless of biological ties. Both children have found their own paths; Gaia is following in her mother’s steps, while Tindyebwa is engaged in criminal justice work.
Thompson has frequently emphasised that family is not solely defined by blood relations. “Family is about connection, not necessarily about blood ties,” she once remarked, underlining her belief in the importance of extending familial bonds beyond traditional definitions.
As Wise and Thompson navigated their fertility struggles, they eventually found comfort in their stronger family unit. The couple’s candid approach to discussing their experiences sheds light on the often-hidden challenges that many face while building a family and the societal expectations tied to parenthood.
Their journey is a reminder of the resilience crucial to overcoming the trials of family life, resonating with many who may share similar experiences. As they move forward, Wise and Thompson continue to advocate for love and connection as the true essence of family, regardless of the circumstances they faced on their path to parenthood.
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