**Valerie Bertinelli Reflects on Past Relationships and Personal Growth**
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Valerie Bertinelli, the beloved actress and culinary star, recently candidly discussed the emotional toll of her past relationships, sharing insights into her journey of self-discovery and healing. Appearing on the podcast *Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani*, the 65-year-old opened up about the sacrifices she made, including distancing herself from friends and family in the pursuit of romantic connections.
During the podcast, Bertinelli recalled the painful awareness of losing touch with her loved ones while involved with a past partner. “I abandoned all of my friends and my family,” she lamented. Bertinelli acknowledged the internal conflict she faced, recognising that her actions were detrimental to her relationships. “I knew as it was happening, I’m like, ‘This is wrong,’” she added, highlighting her struggle to balance her romantic life with her responsibilities to those she cared about.
She elaborated on the difficult choices that came with this emotional turmoil. “If I did [reach out to my family], this other section of my life was gonna be miserable… They were gonna be pissed off,” Bertinelli explained, illustrating the pressure she felt to maintain those relationships while also navigating a complicated partnership. “I felt like I was being torn in two,” she recounted, revealing the extent of her emotional distress.
Bertinelli’s insights were met with understanding from Dr. Ramani Durvasula, who pointed out that self-abandonment often involves distancing oneself from supportive environments. Bertinelli agreed, stating that spending time with friends and family, including her son Wolfgang Van Halen, replenished her spirit. “It makes me a better person being around the people that I love,” she affirmed.
Wolfgang, 35, son of the late rock legend Eddie Van Halen, recently celebrated his wedding to Andraia Allsop earlier this month, a significant event that further highlights the importance of family ties in Bertinelli’s life. She and Eddie were married from 1981 until their divorce in 2007, and his passing in October 2020 left a profound impact on her.
In addition to reflecting on her marriage to Eddie Van Halen, Bertinelli recounted her experiences with subsequent relationships, including her marriage to financial planner Tom Vitale, which lasted from 2011 until their separation in 2022. She also touched on her more recent ten-month relationship with writer Mike Goodnough, which ended in November 2024.
Throughout the discussion, Bertinelli addressed the emotional pain she endured in her romantic life. “I understand the painful parts of [my first marriage], but none of the pain was ever what I experienced in the last two goes at love that I had,” she stated, acknowledging the intensity of her experiences. She expressed feelings of shame for allowing herself to be mistreated, recognising that she had the emotional intelligence to assert herself yet failed to do so at times.
Dr. Ramani gently challenged Bertinelli, suggesting that the manipulative dynamics often present in unhealthy relationships can create significant barriers to leaving. Bertinelli responded by affirming her new understanding of relational boundaries and her commitment to walking away from harmful situations. “At a certain point, it has to be my responsibility to say ‘I’ve had enough. I’m walking away now,’” she stated with resolve.
Bertinelli’s recent reflections also touched on the lessons she has learned through her experiences. In a cover story for *PEOPLE*, she acknowledged the personal growth that arose from her relationships, stating, “I was given the opportunity to learn a really deep life-changing lesson.” She expressed gratitude for the insights gained and noted her intention to approach future dating with caution.
“I’m not ruling it out… I love men, but I don’t want them to make me crazy and I don’t want to make them crazy,” she added with a touch of optimism. Bertinelli’s journey has been one of resilience, emphasising the importance of maintaining strong ties with loved ones and prioritising self-care in the face of romantic challenges.
Through her experiences, Bertinelli hopes to inspire others to recognise their worth and establish healthy boundaries in their relationships. As she navigates this new chapter in her life, her honesty about her struggles and triumphs serves as a powerful reminder of the strength found in self-awareness and personal growth.