Abby and Matt Howard, a well-known couple in the world of influencers, recently shared their experiences with “gender disappointment” following the news that they are expecting their fourth child, another boy. The couple discussed their feelings during an episode of the Unplanned Podcast, where they candidly explored their emotional reactions to the sex of their upcoming baby.
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In March, Abby announced the news of her pregnancy on social media, where the couple expresses their lives with honesty and openness. The Howards are already parents to two sons, Griffin, aged three, and August, aged two. The announcement of another boy stirred up complex emotions relating to their past experiences, particularly their heartbreak following the loss of their daughter, Emerson Nicole, at 17 weeks gestation.
Abby opened up about her feelings of disappointment, albeit briefly, upon learning they were having a third son. She honestly admitted that while she had a fleeting moment of gender disappointment—lasting around 30 seconds—she had previously anticipated their family would be filled with boys. “I’ve always said, ‘I feel like we’re gonna have boys,'” she reflected, noting that her experience of losing Emerson had awakened a longing for a daughter that she had not previously felt.
The couple’s heartbreak over Emerson was a significant part of their journey. They had discovered they were losing their daughter during a routine pregnancy appointment when the doctor could not find a heartbeat. Subsequently, they learned that Emerson had suffered from a genetic condition that ultimately took her life. This loss has influenced Abby’s emotional landscape, creating a new dimension to her feelings regarding gender and motherhood as they prepared for another addition to their family.
When Matt queried Abby about whether she felt guilt over her disappointment, she reassured him that she did not. She explained that after losing Emerson, her heart had opened to the desire for a daughter, leading her to hope for a girl in their current pregnancy. However, her love and longing for Emerson would not be replaced by another child, emphasising that she felt an “Emerson-sized hole” in her heart, rather than a gap that could be filled.
Matt continued the conversation, sharing his initial sadness regarding the sex of their unborn child. “Oh gosh. I guess, to be completely honest, yeah,” he confessed, admitting that he had hoped for a daughter as well. His desire stemmed from wanting Abby to experience the joy of having a little girl and to have a similar bond with her daughter as she shares with her own mother.
Even though he initially felt disappointment, Matt shifted his focus to the exciting prospect of raising another boy. He expressed his enthusiasm for welcoming a third son by drawing on his own experience of growing up with brothers. “I’m so excited to have three boys. I am one of three boys,” he said, highlighting the strong brotherly bonds he experienced growing up.
As they navigate their emotions, the Howards exemplify the complexities of modern parenthood, particularly as it relates to gender preferences and personal loss. Their candidness serves to normalise discussions around gender disappointment while also acknowledging the deeper emotional implications of past losses.
The Howards plan to embrace their new journey, looking forward to welcoming another son into their family. Their openness about the challenges they face has resonated with many of their followers, providing comfort to those in similar situations. Despite the disappointment expressed, Abby and Matt seem committed to celebrating the gift of life and the dynamics of raising a family with boys.