An Etiquette Expert Explains How to Turn Awkward Moments into Connection (Exclusive)

Etiquette is an art form that shapes our interactions with others and, at times, it can lead to moments of profound awkwardness. Alison M. Cheperdak, an etiquette expert and author of the newly-released book *Was It Something I Said?: Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life*, lays out thoughtful strategies for navigating these uncomfortable encounters.

Throughout her work, Cheperdak emphasises that etiquette is not merely a set of rules but rather a reflection of our shared humanity. In her view, the true essence of good manners lies not in avoiding all missteps but in how we handle them when they inevitably occur. “The best etiquette doesn’t erase humanity; it celebrates it,” she asserts, highlighting that every miscommunication can present an opportunity for connection.

We’ve all experienced those cringe-inducing exchanges—the unintentional mispronunciation of a friend’s name, a text sent to the wrong recipient, or even mingling ex-partners at the same social gathering. Cheperdak acknowledges that these incidents are part of life. With a background in teaching modern manners, she points out that a significant aspect of etiquette is understanding how to recover when things go awry.

Awkward moments, according to Cheperdak, can actually serve to bring people closer together. “When we blush, laugh or offer a genuine apology, we remind others that we’re human,” she explains. This openness fosters connections that more rigid social formalities often cannot achieve. What can quickly sour into an embarrassing moment can, with the right approach, transform into a memorable shared experience.

So how can one recover from uncomfortable moments with grace? Cheperdak identifies several key strategies. Firstly, it is essential to acknowledge the awkwardness without becoming overly fixated on it. A simple recognition—such as “I can’t believe I just did that”—can diffuse tension and signal to others that it is acceptable to move on.

Moreover, Cheperdak advises that we should approach such situations with warmth rather than excessive self-reproach. While a sincere apology is necessary, it is crucial not to dwell excessively on the error. A well-placed “I misspoke, thank you for your patience,” is often more effective than repeated apologies that can exacerbate discomfort.

Using humour thoughtfully can also serve as an effective tool in these scenarios. Cheperdak suggests that light-heartedness can act as a reset, provided it doesn’t shift the embarrassment onto someone else. A comment like, “That didn’t come out quite as I intended!” showcases self-awareness and helps to lighten the mood.

After addressing a misstep, it’s advisable to redirect the conversation back to the other person. Asking a genuine question such as, “How did you get into that line of work?” encourages connection and demonstrates a willingness to engage further. This approach allows everyone to move forward, side-stepping lingering discomfort.

Cheperdak also notes the importance of learning from these moments of awkwardness. Each encounter can serve as a lesson in empathy, offering an insight into our social interactions. The ability to reflect, learn, and then let go of the incident is critical, as it fosters personal growth and self-awareness.

At the core of Cheperdak’s advice is a reminder that life is not about achieving a perfect performance; rather, it is about moving through it with kindness, humility, and humour. Awkward moments are intrinsic to our experiences, and when approached with warmth, they can become the stories we recount fondly in the future.

Nevertheless, certain circumstances are entirely outside our control—be it an ebullient stranger on a long flight or an unexpected wardrobe malfunction at a formal gathering. In these instances, Cheperdak suggests extending the same kindness and understanding to oneself that we readily offer to others. Taking a deep breath, smiling quietly, and maintaining perspective can be incredibly therapeutic.

Ultimately, the essence of etiquette is about recognising our shared humanity. Cheperdak’s insights affirm that grace arises not from avoiding mistakes but from how we respond to them and honour both ourselves and those around us in the process.

*Was It Something I Said?* is now available in bookstores, offering readers valuable guidance on navigating everyday social encounters with dignity and poise. It serves as a useful companion for anyone looking to embrace the messy, imperfect nature of human interactions.