In a profound exploration of identity and self-expression, former Mennonite author Maria Giesbrecht recounts how her journey through poetry enabled her to break free from the constraints of her upbringing. In her latest poetry collection, “A Little Feral,” Giesbrecht reflects on her early life in the Old Colony Mennonite community, a conservative society where conformity and silence prevailed over individual expression.
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Giesbrecht’s first encounter with poetry occurred during her childhood when she wrote a heartfelt poem that she immediately tucked away in a journal, locking it with a small silver key. This act symbolised her desire for privacy and the yearning to safeguard her innermost thoughts from the prying eyes of her family and the expectations of her strict religious environment. Raised in a community that often views self-expression as prideful, the act of sharing her emotions felt dangerously rebellious.
The Old Colony Mennonite church placed a strong emphasis on collective identity, often at the cost of the individual. Children were raised to value silence and obedience, with Giesbrecht herself frequently reminded to be quiet. This silence endured until her teenage years when her longing for self-expression began to manifest. Giesbrecht vividly recalls the exhilaration she felt when she first tried on a pair of jeans, an experience that ignited her confidence and stirred her sense of individuality.
As she navigated the restrictions imposed by her community, Giesbrecht began experimenting with makeup and fashion in secrecy. In a bid to articulate her feelings and thoughts, she crafted a secret blog, writing poetry under a pseudonym. This clandestine creative outlet allowed her to rebel against the expectations placed upon her and to connect with a wider audience unfamiliar with her cultural backdrop.
Over time, this hidden world became increasingly liberating. Giesbrecht discovered a community of poets, including renowned figures such as Sylvia Plath, Mary Oliver, and Adrienne Rich, who inspired her to see the power of words as a means of escape. With each poem she published, she felt the thrill that had first accompanied her act of locking away her thoughts, but now she was instead freeing them into the world.
As her online presence grew, Giesbrecht made the courageous decision to share her work publicly, shedding her anonymity to embrace her identity fully. This leap brought its own challenges, as her poetry often delved into topics her conservative family would undoubtedly reject. She faced ostracism from friends within the church and increasing scrutiny from her parents, who responded to her independence by tightening their control over her life.
Despite the daunting obstacles, Giesbrecht felt that expressing her true self through poetry was crucial. The themes of sexuality and questioning faith in her work clashed with the values she was raised with. This sense of conflict culminated in a pivotal moment when she decided to leave her childhood home. With a borrowed car packed with her essentials, she embraced independence and set about making a life for herself.
On her first night in a new city, Giesbrecht stayed up until the early hours, pouring her heart into a poem that explored her relationship with God. This poem found a place in her published collection, marking a significant step in her personal and artistic journey. Giesbrecht’s work highlights the stark contrast between the restrictive language of her past—a language seldom understood by its speakers—and the poetic language of connection that she now employs.
In reflecting on her past, Giesbrecht expresses gratitude for the paths she chose. Despite the limitations of her upbringing, she found poetry to be a transformative refuge. Her desire to communicate and connect through language ultimately became her salvation, offering her a platform to reclaim her narrative.
As she launches “A Little Feral,” Giesbrecht experiences a blend of vulnerability and empowerment. Her poetry is not merely an intimate whisper but a loud declaration of her existence. It signifies a departure from the secrecy of her early writings, embracing the idea that her voice can no longer remain hidden. In this new phase of her life, she hopes that even those who represent her past—whether divine or human—are ready to hear her untamed words.
“A Little Feral” is now available for readers eager to engage with Giesbrecht’s powerful journey of self-discovery and expression, a testament to the enduring power of poetry to liberate the soul.