Ty Herndon, the acclaimed country music artist, has released a deeply personal memoir titled *What Mattered Most*, in which he candidly reflects on his life’s challenges, including struggles with sexuality, addiction, and mental health. Speaking with *PEOPLE*, Herndon, who recently married his partner Alex Schwartz, shares insights into his journey toward a healthier relationship and his path to self-acceptance.
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At 63 years old, Herndon has undergone a significant transformation since he publicly came out as gay in 2014. Before that pivotal moment, he concealed his true self, even participating in public relationships with women, including an almost decade-long marriage to Renee Posey. It was only after confronting his struggles with substance abuse and receiving diagnoses for bipolar disorder, ADHD, and OCD that he began to truly embrace his identity.
Herndon and Schwartz’s relationship began in 2022 through mutual friends. The couple connected on various levels, sharing a bond forged by their respective experiences with trauma and addiction. “He’s been through enough in his life that he’s grounded, and he’s really smart,” Herndon remarks about Schwartz. Their engagement followed just three months of dating, culminating in a private wedding ceremony in January 2023, with a larger celebration occurring later that year in August.
The marriage represents not only a personal milestone for Herndon but also a vital refuge away from the public eye of his entertainment career. “I don’t bring my job home. I am an entertainer on that stage, and I have a lot of fun. But I don’t have to walk through this front door and do that,” he explains. “He knows my stories, and we build stories together now.”
A significant component of their successful relationship has been the use of therapy. Herndon believes that a good marriage requires strong communication, and having a trusted third party to navigate issues has proven beneficial for both. “Some things you just can’t say to each other,” he asserts, acknowledging his past difficulties in listening and truly understanding his partner’s needs.
As Herndon continues to learn the dynamics of love and partnership, he expresses gratitude for the patience and stability Schwartz brings to the relationship. “I feel like I’m learning how to love, how to listen, and how to be myself on every level,” he shares. Crucially, Herndon feels secure in knowing that during moments of stress, Schwartz will remain by his side.
Their journey together has also taught them the importance of conflict resolution. The couple has developed strategies for “fighting right”—a practice that includes avoiding hurtful comments and having a safe word to halt discussions when tensions rise. Such measures demonstrate their commitment to fostering a nurturing and respectful environment in their partnership.
Reflecting on the complexities of their relationship, Herndon appreciates having found someone who understands the unique insecurities that arise from shared experiences. “Maybe this crazy story of mine took me there,” he muses. “And if it were the end of the story tomorrow, then that’s a really happy ending, and I am completely okay with that.”
Ty Herndon’s journey, chronicled in *What Mattered Most*, reveals not just the trials he faced, but also the joys of finding love and acceptance later in life. This memoir serves as both a reflection on his past and a celebration of what it means to build a life with someone who truly understands you.
For more about Ty Herndon and insights into his life, readers can find the latest issue of *PEOPLE*, which hits newsstands on Friday.