Melissa Auf der Maur, best known as the bassist for iconic bands Smashing Pumpkins and Hole, has unveiled her memoir, *Even the Good Girls Will Cry*, which offers readers an unfiltered glimpse into her life, including her relationship with renowned musician Dave Grohl. The book delves into various aspects of her personal journey, highlighting moments of intimacy and self-discovery that shaped her as a woman.
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In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, Auf der Maur recounted a significant moment in her life—her first orgasm, which she attributes to Grohl during their relationship from 1999 to 2001. Auf der Maur, who is now 53, candidly shared that Grohl was the first person to truly invest effort into her pleasure, stating that “no one had ever put so much effort into making me orgasm in my entire life.” Her account of this experience is both revelatory and empowering, shedding light on the often-overlooked intricacies of female sexuality.
The pair’s romantic connection came about after an awkward moment at the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards, where Grohl later reached out to apologise. This reconnection led to a double date with musician Taylor Hawkins and filmmaker Sarah Sophie Flicker. What began as a casual outing transformed into a deeper relationship, marking the first time Auf der Maur experienced a fulfilling physical connection. She reflects on the importance of sharing this personal narrative in her memoir, not just for herself but to resonate with women who might relate to her experiences.
Auf der Maur expressed a preference for discussing her intimate personal moments rather than being labelled merely as “a famous guy’s girlfriend.” She views the revelations in her book as a valuable contribution to the conversation surrounding female sexual awakening. “It’s contributing towards the cause,” she explained, emphasising her desire to empower women to embrace their own journeys of self-discovery.
The memoir offers a detailed look at the couple’s dynamic, with Auf der Maur noting that their passion for music formed a strong bond between them. In a recent interview on SiriusXM’s *Fierce: Women in Music,* she reflected on their relationship, indicating that they shared a deep affection rooted in a mutual love for rock music. However, the couple ultimately had diverging aspirations for their respective futures, leading them to part ways amicably in 2001.
As Auf der Maur transitioned away from her role in Hole, Grohl was gaining momentum with his band, the Foo Fighters, following his earlier stint as drummer for Nirvana. Auf der Maur revealed that their intimate affair was tempered by the reality of their differing ambitions. While she sought to distance herself from what she termed the “corporate hell” of the music industry, Grohl remained driven to achieve more in his career.
Reflecting on their breakup, Auf der Maur recalled it as a moment of love rather than resentment, describing her desire to retreat into a more artistically fulfilling life juxtaposed with Grohl’s career ambitions. “I remember just saying, ‘Don’t you want to just settle down into a cool art scene in D.C. or Montreal and just like, be humans?’” she said, highlighting the tension between personal desires and professional goals.
In *Even the Good Girls Will Cry*, Auf der Maur not only recounts her romantic life but also explores broader themes of identity and self-acceptance. By sharing her experiences, she hopes to encourage others to reflect on their own journeys and the complexities of personal growth. “That secret is for all women who embark on the mysterious journey of orgasms and the overlooked mystery of women’s everything,” she remarked.
As the memoir hits the shelves, Auf der Maur’s candid storytelling promises to resonate with readers, shedding light on the realities of life in the music industry, the intricacies of relationships, and the moments that define us as individuals. Through her reflections, she aims to empower women to celebrate their desires and embrace their identities, creating a space for open dialogue about feminine experiences often left unspoken.
*Even the Good Girls Will Cry* is now available, inviting readers to delve into Auf der Maur’s poignant narrative and encouraging a deeper understanding of the unique journeys women undertake in both love and life.