A Reddit user, faced with the dilemma of missing her grandmother’s shivah (a Jewish mourning tradition) due to social anxiety, sought her mother’s permission to grieve privately. However, what began as a seemingly understanding response from her mother soon turned into a situation of confusion and family backlash.
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The 20-year-old woman took to Reddit to share her emotional turmoil after her grandmother’s passing. She struggled with the idea of participating in the shivah, feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of being surrounded by relatives and acquaintances during such a vulnerable time. Her need for solitude and personal grieving clashed with the traditional expectations of sitting shivah for seven days.
Despite attending the first day of shivah, the woman found herself drained and unable to cope with the continuous social interaction demanded by the tradition. Turning to her mother for guidance, she was initially reassured that it was not disrespectful to her grandmother if she didn’t return for subsequent days. This led her to believe she was making a choice that balanced her own mental well-being with honoring her grandmother’s memory.
However, as the week progressed, her mother’s stance changed, and she was informed that her absence was being noted by extended family members. Feeling blindsided by this shift in expectations, the woman expressed her feelings of betrayal and hurt at being perceived as disrespectful towards her grandmother. The conflicting messages from her mother left her in a state of emotional distress and confusion.
Reflecting on the situation, the woman acknowledged that her outburst towards her mother was driven by grief and a sense of failing to honour her grandmother. Despite her initial intent to respect the dead in her own way, she grappled with the conflicting emotions of grief, social anxiety, and familial expectations. The Reddit community offered sympathy towards her situation, pointing out that her mother may have intended for her to participate in the shivah in a way that accommodated her mental health needs.
As the woman navigates the aftermath of her decision and the ensuing family backlash, she is confronted with the complexities of balancing personal well-being with cultural traditions and familial obligations. The public response to her story highlights the importance of open communication, understanding individual needs, and finding a middle ground between personal boundaries and communal expectations during the grieving process.
In sharing her experience on a public platform, the woman invites others to consider the challenges of navigating grief, tradition, and mental health struggles within a family dynamic. Her story resonates with individuals grappling with similar internal conflicts and sheds light on the delicate balance of honouring the past while prioritising one’s emotional well-being in times of loss.