Kimberly Brown, the wife of former Brigham Young University football player Curtis Brown, has shared a poignant reflection on her profound grief following the tragic death of their two-year-old son, Haze. On Sunday, 4 October, she posted a heartfelt message on Instagram, revealing the emotional toll that losing her child has taken on her life over the past ten weeks.
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In her post, Kimberly included a black-and-white photograph of herself tenderly kissing Haze on the cheek. This intimate moment served as a backdrop for her candid discussion about the increasingly difficult days following her son’s passing. Haze drowned in the family’s swimming pool in Clovis, California, on 26 July, 2023, an incident that has devastated the family.
Kimberly began her Instagram caption with a stark admission: “70 days. 😭 10 weeks. The longer we go without him – the harder it all seems. I’m just exhausted.” She explained how the pain of loss has rendered her fatigued to the point of feeling mentally and physically depleted. “I wake up every morning already exhausted from a day that hasn’t even started yet,” she further articulated, highlighting how the emotional weight of grief can overshadow daily life.
The mother described the unique strain of feeling a profound tiredness that no amount of sleep could remedy. “It’s a kind of tired I’ve never known before. A profound deep exhaustion that sleep doesn’t seem to touch,” Kimberly revealed, illustrating the relentless nature of grief. She elaborated on the experience of pretending to be okay while in reality, she felt as if her chest was caving in under the weight of her sorrow.
“A part of you is screaming,” she mentioned, capturing the turmoil of engaging in daily conversations while her thoughts linger on affectionate memories of Haze. “Sometimes I’m talking to someone and I realise I haven’t heard a word they are saying,” she reflected, lost in thoughts of her son—the sound of his laughter, his smile, and the warmth of his presence—all of which are now gone.
As she spoke about her struggle to navigate life after Haze’s death, she emphasised the need to momentarily detach from reality just to cope. “You have to detach from reality for a while just to function,” she noted, expressing the painful paradox of requiring distraction from the overwhelming grief that threatens to consume her.
Kimberly also touched upon the unbearable burden that comes with losing a child, stating, “There isn’t a word big enough for this.” She explained the societal expectations of answering questions, smiling when required, and carrying conversation—all actions made torturous by her immense loss. This façade of normalcy, she explained, can feel excruciating, like carrying a weight so great that it could break her.
“To lose your child one day, and then wake up knowing you must live without him, is an unimaginable reality,” Kimberly concluded her heartfelt message. Her reflections resonate with those who have experienced similar losses, as they encapsulate the intense and often isolating experience of mourning a child. “There’s just this unbearable weight, and somehow, I’m supposed to keep carrying it,” she poignantly reiterated.
In spite of their tragic loss, the Brown family continues to forge ahead. Curtis and Kimberly are also parents to 13-year-old triplets, Julie, Cruze, and Kash, along with a 12-year-old son, Trey. Curtis Brown enjoyed a successful collegiate football career, playing as a running back for BYU from 2002 to 2006.
As the family navigates this profound loss, Kimberly’s heartfelt words invite both empathy and awareness of the complex journey that follows the death of a child. The impact of grief is deep and long-lasting, and through sharing her story, she sheds light on an experience that far too many endure in silence.