Kay Dudley, a prominent internet personality with a following of over 18 million on social media, is candidly discussing the challenges she faces as a mother living with lupus. With her husband, Tay Dudley, by her side, she aims to raise awareness about this chronic autoimmune condition as they prepare for the Walk to End Lupus Now event in New York City on October 3.
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In an interview with PEOPLE, Kay shared insights into her journey with lupus, a disease that causes inflammation and pain throughout the body. Her personal experiences have inspired her to become a strong advocate for both her health and the health of others. She credits her understanding of the illness to her mother, who also battled lupus. This familial connection has provided Kay with a unique perspective, particularly in how she navigates her role as a parent to their three daughters: Kinsley, 14; Ellie, nearly three; and Sutton, nearly one.
Reflecting on her upbringing, Kay expressed that witnessing her mother’s struggles with lupus instilled in her the importance of self-advocacy. “I was able to advocate for the diagnosis as long as I did because my mum was like, ‘I have that same symptom,’” she explained. Unfortunately, during her own medical struggles, Kay often felt dismissed by doctors, a situation that many patients endure. She acknowledges that without her mother’s support, it might have been much harder to fight for her diagnosis.
Despite her triumphs in securing her diagnosis, Kay admits to grappling with significant feelings of guilt related to her role as a mother. “I would be lying if I said I don’t have an extraordinary amount of mum guilt every single day,” she confessed. Particularly as her daughters are in their formative years, she feels the weight of the responsibilities associated with parenthood. “These are the years that they really need me,” she noted, recognising the challenges her illness poses to her parenting capabilities.
The emotional burden of lupus has been compounded by the societal stigma surrounding invisible illnesses. Kay elaborated on the pressure she faces, stating, “It’s so easy to feel like everybody thinks you’re a hypochondriac and just dramatic.” Tay, her husband, plays a crucial role in alleviating some of that pressure by being proactive about household responsibilities, enabling Kay to focus on both her health and her work.
In order to manage her daily life, Kay employs a strategy based on the concept of the “spoon theory.” This metaphor represents an individual’s limited physical and mental capacity each day, with “spoons” symbolising energy. “You basically have so many spoons at the start of the day, and you have to break them up for each task,” she explained. This approach has taught her to pace herself and recognise her limitations.
Kay’s commitment to their awareness campaigns extends beyond their personal struggles; the couple actively partners with the Lupus Foundation of America to help educate others about the condition. Through various events and fundraising activities, they aim to shed light on the realities of living with lupus and encourage those affected to seek support and understanding.
Although she hopes that her daughters will not inherit any autoimmune disorders, her experiences with her mother enable her to remain vigilant. Kay expressed optimism in her ability to catch early signs of such conditions, should they arise in her children. “I try to look at that positive side of it: I can help my girls if that situation ever comes up,” she said, emphasising the importance of early intervention.
In tandem with her personal advocacy work, Kay continues to balance her responsibilities as a content creator and a parent. She emphasises the importance of teamwork within her family, acknowledging that she could not manage her various roles without Tay’s unwavering support. As they approach the upcoming lupus walk in New York, the couple’s mission remains steadfast: to empower others affected by the condition, while also sharing their story in the hope of fostering greater awareness and understanding around lupus.