In a candid conversation with PEOPLE, Charles Spencer, brother of the late Princess Diana, shares a glimpse into their complicated family dynamics through his new memoir, “Swan Song: Diana, My Sister.” With the 30th anniversary of Diana’s untimely death approaching, Spencer reflects on three significant moments when Diana displayed physical aggression, contextualising these incidents within the emotional turbulence of their upbringing.
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Spencer, who is now 62, elucidates that the instances of Diana “physically lashing out” were not without cause. He recounts a particularly poignant incident from their childhood when Diana slapped their father, John Spencer, upon discovering his marriage to their stepmother, Raine. This revelation was a substantial shock for the children, and Spencer recalls their feelings of betrayal at the time. “We all have experience of step relations, I’m sure, but it can be very tricky,” he notes, reminiscing about the challenges children face in such scenarios. The marriage took place in 1976, following John’s divorce from Diana’s mother, and marked a pivotal moment in their family life.
In addition to his father, Spencer recounts a peculiar sibling rivalry where Diana once pushed him off his bicycle for what he describes as “no reason.” While he reflects on this act with a hint of bemusement, he offers that it could simply be indicative of the capricious nature of sibling relationships. “It was really bizarre actually because it was so out of the blue,” he remarks.
Moreover, Spencer, who later received a diagnosis of severe ADHD, suggests that Diana may have also grappled with this condition, despite never receiving a formal diagnosis herself. He elaborates on how her emotional responses, which often attracted speculation, might stem from struggles with ADHD and dyslexia. “I know it’s exactly what Diana had. It’s so similar,” he asserts, emphasising that her experiences may have been overshadowed by societal misconceptions about her mental health.
Spencer expresses his discomfort over the rampant speculation concerning Diana’s mental state throughout her life. Many have suggested diagnoses of bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, which he finds reductive and unhelpful. “I think it’s more humdrum in a way. I think it was ADHD, and rejection for people with ADHD goes very, very deep,” he asserts.
Another dramatic episode that Spencer recalls involves an incident with their stepmother, Raine. In 1989, during a family rehearsal for Spencer’s wedding, Diana pushed Raine down the stairs. While acknowledging that any form of violence is unacceptable, he provides context for Diana’s actions, asserting that they were fuelled by a culmination of intense emotions. “It was the buildup of an enormous amount of really strong feeling,” he explains, suggesting Diana’s actions stemmed from a desire to defend her late mother’s honour.
Raine’s perceived insensitivity towards Frances Shand Kydd, Diana’s mother, exacerbated tensions within the family. Diana found Raine’s treatment of their mother during the wedding preparations to be “unbelievably rude.” Spencer notes an instance where Raine insulted Diana by expressing disbelief that Prince Charles had married someone so “stupid.” This kind of disparagement, he posits, served as a catalyst for Diana’s emotional outbursts.
As he shares these intimate but complex reflections, Spencer seeks not to condone any form of physical aggression from his sister but to provide a deeper understanding of the familial pressures that contributed to her behaviour. The revelations in “Swan Song” invite readers to reconsider their perceptions of Princess Diana, recognising the intricate interplay of family dynamics and mental health that shaped her life and legacy.
Through his memoir, Spencer aims to honour his sister’s memory by shedding light on the multifaceted nature of her emotional experiences. The work not only pays tribute to Diana but also attempts to foster empathy and understanding regarding the struggles associated with ADHD and the broader human experience of familial relationships. As the anniversary of her death approaches, Spencer’s reflections reiterate that behind the public persona of the “People’s Princess” lay a complex individual shaped by her family’s challenges and her own emotional battles.