Author Jennifer Givhan has shared profound insights on motherhood and the complexities of raising a son in a world where violence against women continues to be perpetuated by societal norms. As she reflects on her experiences raising her now 19-year-old son, Givhan confronts a troubling fear: the possibility that her son may contribute to the culture that inflicts harm on women.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc():format(jpeg)/mom-and-son-81726-327df92663e542339029a40f2fe36900.jpg)
In her contemplation, Givhan recalls the lines of Sharon Olds’ poem “My Son the Man,” which have taken on a new resonance as her child has transitioned into adulthood. Initially, these lines signalled a future filled with hopes and aspirations, but now they prompt her to consider a more troubling reality. While she worries for her son’s safety, Givhan is equally concerned about the potential malevolent attitudes he might embody.
The recent comments made by author and actor Jenny Mollen, who jokingly referred to mothers with toxic eldest sons, have reignited discussions around this topic. Although Mollen’s remarks drew criticism, Givhan sees a kernel of uncomfortable truth in them: mothers often bear a fierce protective instinct for their children while simultaneously wrestling with fears about who they are becoming.
Givhan candidly discusses moments when her son has made dismissive comments about women, which evoke painful memories of her own past. Their discussions have evolved from heated arguments to more thoughtful exchanges, where the nuances of respect and equality are explored. She recounts her son’s defensiveness regarding the impact of his words and highlights his genuine belief in gender equality. This journey of dialogue illustrates Givhan’s commitment as a mother to foster understanding and challenge misconceptions that boys may subconsciously adopt.
As the author of several works, including her upcoming novel “The Sleeping Sisters,” Givhan reflects on how motherhood has shaped her identity and writing. With her first poem born out of her experience as a young mother, she acknowledges the role her children play in her creative process, forging connections between her personal life and broader societal issues.
However, the experience of raising a son leads Givhan to grapple with critical questions about the attitudes and behaviours that are often normalised among boys and young men. With societal expectations placed firmly on mothers to protect their children from harm, there looms a pervasive blame-game when things go awry. This cultural narrative positions mothers as the architects of their children’s futures, resulting in a cycle of scrutiny that often feels impossible to escape.
In her novel, Givhan draws inspiration from the haunting reality of the unsolved West Mesa Murders, weaving a narrative around a mother overwhelmed by past and present violence. The central theme poses a bleak question: if her son exhibits misogynistic behaviours, what potential horrors may lie ahead if they go unchecked?
Throughout her writing, Givhan continues to explore troubling patterns of behaviour, including a disturbing trend of strangulation becoming more common among young people. With accounts of young women suffering serious harm in seemingly casual sexual encounters, Givhan highlights an alarming normalisation of violence that needs urgent attention. Despite this trend, Givhan notes a distressing lack of widespread outrage and suggests that cultural narratives must shift to foster healthier discussions around consent and respect in intimate relationships.
The lessons Givhan has encountered through her journey as a mother indicate that conversations about misogyny need to begin at home. Parents, educators, and caregivers have a crucial role in shaping young men’s understanding of consent and the importance of communication in any relationship. Addressing sensitive topics—however uncomfortable—can equip boys with the awareness needed to navigate their interactions in a healthier, more respectful manner.
While the pressures of motherhood can be overwhelming, Givhan concludes that she ultimately lacks control over the decisions her son makes as he matures. However, she remains committed to nurturing an environment of open dialogue, challenging outdated notions, and upholding principles of accountability and empathy. In doing so, she hopes to instil values that will help him grow into a man who respects and uplifts those around him.
Givhan’s novel “The Sleeping Sisters” is set to be released on August 18 and is already available for preorder across various platforms, ensuring that her powerful messages resonate with readers long after they turn the final page. As she navigates the complexities of motherhood and societal expectations, Givhan’s insights serve as a crucial reminder of the conversations we must continue to have about masculinity and violence in our culture.