Crystal Harris Says She Regrets Marrying Hugh Hefner, Forgot Her Own ‘Worth’ to ‘Fit into’ His Life

**Crystal Harris Reflects on Toxic Marriage to Hugh Hefner in New Memoir**

Crystal Harris has opened up about her regrets concerning her marriage to the late Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, revealing insights into the toxicity of their relationship. In a candid Instagram video posted on July 14, 2021, the model expressed feelings of remorse over the version of herself she felt compelled to suppress during their time together.

Having married Hefner in 2012, Harris remained by his side until his passing in 2017. Following that chapter of her life, she married James Ward earlier this year, marking a fresh beginning. Reflecting on her time with Hefner, Harris stated, “Do I regret marrying Hugh Hefner? Of course I do.” However, she also acknowledged that the ordeal shaped her into the person she is today.

In her video, the 40-year-old model lamented her decision to tie the knot at a young age, believing that her union with one of the world’s most recognisable figures would affirm her worth. “I regret being in my mid-20s and thinking that marrying one of the most famous men in the world meant that I had finally made it,” she shared. “I regret the years I spent making myself smaller so his world could feel bigger.”

Harris revealed that the marriage caused her to silence her own voice, resulting in years of confusion regarding the dynamics of their relationship. “I regret the version of myself that I had to abandon just to survive in that environment,” she confessed. “I regret that it took me as long as it did to understand what was actually happening, like years.”

Additionally, Harris indicated that there was an expectation for her to adhere to the narrative of being the grateful young wife, a role she is now determined to abandon. “I think a lot of people expected me to never say that out loud,” she explained, “but I am done living in that version of the story.”

This recent realisation has prompted Harris to share her truth, not only for herself but for others who may have experienced similar feelings of worthlessness while fitting into someone else’s narrative. “Telling my truth for my younger self and for anyone who’s ever forgotten their worth trying to fit into someone else’s story,” she said emphatically.

In her memoir, *Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself*, Harris explores the trauma many women have faced in the Playboy environment. “A lot of women that have been in Hef’s orbit, they’ve lost their sparkle,” she divulged in a conversation with PEOPLE, highlighting the negative impact of such lifestyles on women’s self-esteem.

Harris corroborated claims made by former Hefner girlfriends regarding the presence of compromising images used as potential blackmail. According to Harris, Hefner routinely carried a disposable camera, capturing incriminating moments of women throughout his life. “Rolls and rolls of potential blackmail, if he ever wanted to use it that way,” Harris noted in her book, shedding light on the darker aspects of his behaviour.

The model recounted a harrowing experience while tidying the mansion, where she discovered a collection of explicit photos of other women. “I opened just the top drawer of the desk and found all these naked photos for former *Girls Next Door* and friends,” she remarked. This discovery led her to express anger at the disrespect shown to those women, resulting in her tearing up and discarding the photos.

Her venture into documenting her experiences is a powerful step toward reclaiming her narrative and acknowledging the complexities of her past. Through her memoir, Harris aims not only to illuminate her journey but also to empower others who have endured similar challenges, prompting important conversations about self-worth and personal autonomy.

As she continues to navigate life after Hefner, Harris remains resolute in her commitment to honesty and authenticity. Her story serves as a reminder of the importance of recognising one’s worth and the dangers of compromising oneself to fit another’s narrative, a lesson she hopes resonates with her readers.