Kris McCabe’s journey as a caregiver for her grandmother Mary, who is living with Alzheimer’s, is both heartwarming and inspiring. Nine years ago, Kris made a pivotal decision that changed her life and her grandma’s life. In 2016, while working as a bartender in Chicago, she witnessed the rapid decline of her grandmother’s health after Mary was placed in a nursing home. This decision came after years of struggle with dementia and eventual diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. The family’s heart-wrenching choice to move her grandmother into a state-run facility marked a turning point for Kris, who felt her grandmother’s identity was slowly being stripped away.
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Reflecting on the pain of seeing her grandmother lose her independence, Kris describes the experience as heart-wrenching. “It was so hard to watch her go — in just a few months — from driving her car to having everything taken from her, even her identity, it seemed,” she shared in an interview. The situation prompted Kris to reconsider what was best for Mary, leading her to take a stand that would redefine both their lives.
A conversation with a friend at dinner ignited the spark in Kris to take on the role of full-time caregiver. Although initially hesitant, with her family’s support, she found the courage to step up. “If Grandma would want to be with anyone, it would be with you,” her family told her. Kris and Mary have always shared a strong bond, often described as best friends. From early childhood to her teenage years, Kris frequently turned to Mary for comfort and support, solidifying their unbreakable connection.
Delving into her new role, Kris faced scepticism from the care facility staff, who doubted her ability to manage the challenges that lay ahead. A director’s dismissive remark, “We’ll probably see you back here in a few months, but good luck,” ignited a fierce determination in Kris. “Who are you to tell us what our life is going to look like?” she fired back, driven by love and the memory of her grandmother’s vibrant spirit.
As a full-time caregiver, Kris created an online presence called “Life with Grams” to document their daily experiences. Initially, she sought connection and understanding from others facing similar challenges, having felt isolated in her care journey. Today, her social media platforms boast a thriving community of nearly 755,000 followers who resonate with the highs and lows encountered while caring for someone with Alzheimer’s.
Despite the significant support from her online community, Kris also faces criticism. Some observers argue that sharing intimate moments of Mary’s struggle raises ethical concerns, particularly regarding privacy and consent. Kris, however, feels confident that Mary would appreciate the awareness and connection their story fosters. “My grandma has always been open and honest,” Kris explains. “She never felt shame in who she was.” Recording their lives together is a way for Kris to cherish meaningful moments while ensuring that Mary’s legacy is not forgotten.
Kris acknowledges that Alzheimer’s is not just a disease but a multifaceted experience. She emphasises her commitment to honouring Mary for who she is beyond her diagnosis. The content shared on social media is rooted in a philosophy of person-centred care, with an emphasis on preserving Mary’s identity and joy. “I try to honour her every step of the way,” Kris asserts. “If my grandma didn’t have Alzheimer’s, this page would still exist because it’s who we are.”
As she navigates the evolving nature of their relationship, Kris reflects on the sometimes unpredictable dynamics of caregiving. “I wonder if she really knows it’s us or whether it’s just that the love we give, she reflects back,” she muses. Regardless of the challenges, Kris believes that the love between them remains undiminished. Their interactions, filled with affectionate gestures and spontaneous moments of laughter, continually reinforce the bond they share.
Kris has learned to focus on the positives, celebrating moments of joy even amidst the heartache. Despite Mary’s diminished verbal communication, her vibrant spirit shines through during their playful interactions. “She still wants to hug and kiss everybody,” Kris says with affection, capturing the essence of their relationship. Alongside her advocacy for dementia awareness, Kris encourages her followers to remember the loved ones they care for as individuals, sharing the love and guidance they bestowed.
While Kris reflects on the conversations she wishes she still had with Mary—who once offered her wisdom and guidance—she embraces the opportunity to give back to the woman who shaped her life. “This has changed my whole world,” she explains. “I’ve found purpose in so many areas.” In caring for Mary, Kris not only honours her grandmother’s legacy but also nurtures a community that seeks to uplift and inspire.
As both women navigate the profound challenges posed by Alzheimer’s, Kris continues to advocate for those in similar situations, determined to shine a light on dementia care. Her journey reminds us all of the importance of love, connection, and the essence of human spirit, even in the face of difficult circumstances.