Valerie Bertinelli has revealed how a positive shift in her self-image has made her resilient to online negativity. Speaking at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books on 18 April 2026, the acclaimed actress and author, who recently released her new book “Getting Naked”, recounted her journey towards self-acceptance and the challenges of managing grief, particularly after the loss of her ex-husband, Eddie Van Halen.
Bertinelli, known for her roles in “One Day at a Time” and “Hot in Cleveland”, articulated that overcoming societal perceptions and criticism began with changing her internal narrative. “You can’t make me believe anything about myself that I don’t already believe,” she stated, emphasising the importance of self-perception. The star has embarked on a profound journey to redefine how she sees herself, rejecting outdated beliefs that she is “bad” or “unlovable.”
Her newfound confidence has allowed Bertinelli to detach from the emotional weight of negative comments on social media. She likened harsh remarks to absurd statements, saying, “It’s like them saying, ‘Valerie, you have blue hair’. I’m like, ‘No, no’.” She noted that hate comments now roll off her back and attributed this resilience to the internal work she has undertaken. “Whatever you believe about me, it’s none of my business,” she confidently declared, adding that she no longer feels the need to earn others’ approval.
As she continues to navigate the complexities of her online presence, Bertinelli highlighted her desire for genuine connections, contrasting this with the often superficial interactions that proliferate on social media platforms. “The internet is great for surface connections but has also exposed us to a lot of negativity. We must protect ourselves from that,” she remarked. Despite the challenges, she expressed gratitude for the opportunities the internet has provided to connect with meaningful relationships.
During the festival, Bertinelli also delved into her process of grieving, reflecting on the loss of her loved ones, including Van Halen. She acknowledged that while grief is often seen as a solitary experience, it is vital to allow oneself to feel and acknowledge that pain. “There are stages of grief, and you learn over time what to do with it because you’ll always hold it,” she explained. Bertinelli reaffirmed the idea that grief can manifest in many forms, asserting, “No grieving is wrong.”
Reflecting on the bittersweet moments of watching her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, perform, she shared her longing for Eddie’s presence. “Every time I go see Wolfie perform, I wish his dad was standing next to me,” she said, articulating the deep sense of loss that accompanies such experiences. This yearning is compounded by her desire for her son to have his father’s support. “I think my grief is more about Wolfie not having his dad there,” she reflected.
Bertinelli’s journey through grief has also involved recognising the different types of sorrow she experiences, including the emotions tied to her past relationships. Notably, she discussed her divorce from her second husband, acknowledging that, despite her gratitude for the separation, it remains a source of grieving for her. She urged her audience to embrace their feelings and suggested that granting oneself permission to “wallow” in grief, while balancing life’s responsibilities, is an essential part of the healing process.
In closing, Bertinelli underlined that while grief can feel overwhelming, it is crucial to approach it with gentleness. “You need to learn how to hold your grief gently,” she advised, acknowledging that time can change the way one experiences loss. The heartfelt discussion at the festival resonated with many attendees, showcasing Bertinelli’s ability to transform her pain into powerful lessons about self-love, resilience, and the human experience.