Mom with Chronic Illness Praises Husband’s Care for Kids on Low-Energy Days, but Still Fears Other Parents ‘Judging’ Her (Exclusive)

**Parenting Through Chronic Illness: Theresa Pascarelli’s Journey**

Being a parent is a demanding role under any circumstances, but for Theresa Pascarelli, living with lupus and adrenal insufficiency adds an extra layer of complexity. Over the last two decades, Pascarelli has navigated the challenges posed by chronic illness, as she strives to raise her two young children.

At the age of 37, Pascarelli recalls a pivotal moment during her time as a collegiate swimmer that marked the beginning of her health struggles. “I suddenly felt weaker in the water, despite training harder than ever,” she recounts. A dramatic decline in her performance prompted an urgent visit to a nurse after noticeable fatigue and weakness overcame her. During that visit, she was diagnosed with a malar rash and, later, identified as having a positive Antinuclear Antibody (ANA) test, which is often indicative of autoimmune disorders.

Pascarelli’s health journey has been anything but straightforward. Initially, a rheumatologist suspected lupus due to her symptoms and high antibody levels, yet subsequent medical opinions suggested different diagnoses, including mixed connective tissue disease and rheumatoid arthritis. It was not until she changed states six years ago that she received a definitive diagnosis of lupus, alongside acknowledgment of adrenal insufficiency, which developed after years of steroid treatments.

Lupus is an autoimmune disease where the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissues and organs, leading to severe fatigue among other symptoms. Adrenal insufficiency involves the inadequate production of cortisol, a hormone crucial for various bodily functions. Despite being an invisible illness, the effects of lupus are profoundly felt, often leaving Pascarelli craving understanding from those around her. “Just because someone looks well on the outside does not mean they are not struggling,” she emphasises.

For Pascarelli, managing her condition has resulted in a “love/hate relationship” with the steroid medications that are essential to her survival but come with significant side effects, including fluctuating weight and changes to her physical appearance. Concern looms large over missing doses; skipping medication can lead to potentially life-threatening situations.

To communicate her limitations, she employs a concept known as “spoon theory.” This metaphor explains that on any given day, a person with a chronic illness starts with a limited number of “spoons” representing their energy. While a healthy individual may wake with ten spoons, a person with an illness may only have three or five to begin their day. Simple tasks like getting dressed or taking a shower consume these spoons at a fast rate, forcing her to prioritise responsibilities, often leading to a sense of exhaustion.

As a parent, her energy levels can dramatically affect her daily interactions with her children, aged two and four. On particularly challenging days where she has minimal spoons available, Pascarelli has learned to rely on her husband, who provides the support needed to keep their children engaged. “We’ve learned to listen to my body so I can make the most of my good days,” she shares, noting that her husband helps tire the kids out, allowing her to conserve energy while still being involved in family activities.

Innovative strategies have emerged in their household that reflect a healthy partnership. On days when Pascarelli’s energy is low, her husband often takes on the role of an energetic “monster,” chasing their children through the house while Pascarelli acts as their safe haven. These playful moments allow her to enjoy quality family time without overexerting herself.

Additionally, they have embraced low-energy activities to help foster connection. Pascarelli highlights that they often enjoy movie nights, where the family sets up a cozy picnic-style gathering on the living room floor or a pull-out sofa, creating comfortable space for snuggles, connection, and laughter without the need for extensive energy expenditure.

While the family has found a workable rhythm, Pascarelli’s quest for balance continues. The guilt of feeling inadequate at times weighs heavily, especially when comparing herself to other more active parents. “I want to do so much more with them than I am physically capable of,” she admits candidly.

Pascarelli desires for people to understand that it’s entirely possible to generate a nurturing environment for children, irrespective of the chronic illnesses she faces. She stresses the importance of teaching children patience and empathy, observing that such traits are essential in today’s world. She advises other parents living with similar challenges to heed their bodies and adapt their plans accordingly, advocating for self-care in the face of demanding family responsibilities.

Ultimately, Theresa Pascarelli stands as a testament to resilience, illustrating that even when energy is belied by chronic fatigue, love and connection can flourish within the family unit.