In an extraordinary account of resilience and transformation, Leslie Harter-Berg’s new memoir, *You’re So Strong: On Grief and Letting Go of My Favourite Compliment*, delves into her journey of navigating life as a single mother after the devastating loss of her husband. Released on March 24, the memoir articulates the complexities of grief and the importance of humour in the face of overwhelming sorrow.
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Leslie’s world changed dramatically in April 2019. While on holiday with her husband, Ryan, and their two young sons, the life-altering tragedy struck. Ryan, who had just celebrated his 34th birthday, suffered a fatal stroke caused by a rare arteriovenous malformation in his brain. The event, which Leslie describes as a cruel April Fool’s joke, left her a widow at just 30 years old, with their sons, Wit and Rory, aged three and one, respectively.
In the first chapters of her memoir, Leslie candidly shares the absurdity of the situation. She recalls sitting in a hospital waiting room, managing grief while clutching an oversized box of tampons. “The demands of the world do not stop because your husband died,” she reflects. This relentless push to continue functioning made her realise she had not fully embraced her grief. “I put pressure on myself to keep going… but I needed to fall apart a little bit more,” she admits.
After Ryan’s death, Leslie often encountered well-meaning friends and acquaintances who labelled her as “so strong,” a phrase she eventually grew to resent. Despite her outward façade, she found herself grappling with the realisation that strength does not equate to the absence of weakness or vulnerability. “I was really trying to get through the stages of grief as if they were a homework assignment,” she recalls. The traditional grief model—comprising denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—felt inadequate to capture her lived experience.
Through her introspection, Leslie discovered a profound truth: “There is no moving on. Grief is with you forever; it changes you.” Seven years later, she reflects that the journey of acceptance is a continuous process, not a destination. Leslie and Ryan first crossed paths in 2010 while job-sharing, building a friendship that blossomed into romance. By 2013, they were married, embarking on creative ventures together, including their video production company, Harter Creative.
Following Ryan’s untimely passing, Leslie faced the challenge of keeping their business afloat while also managing her personal grief and that of her children. To support other widows, she founded a nonprofit called Vids for Wids, dedicated to sharing stories and wisdom from those who have faced similar losses. Through engaging with the widow community, Leslie found a lifeline in shared experiences and mutual support.
Leslie’s reflections on loss extend to her children, particularly the ways they process grief differently. Wit, who still holds memories of his father, responded to his loss in surprising ways. Leslie initially felt offended by his lack of visible sorrow but later realised that “child grief is so different than adult grief.” She ensured her son had access to therapy, allowing him to navigate his feelings in his own time.
The complexities of Leslie’s emotional landscape were further highlighted by her journey into new relationships. After Ryan’s death, she grappled with the desire for connection while simultaneously wanting to honour his memory. “I wanted to protect the memory of my late husband while also seeking companionship,” she explains. This internal conflict mirrored the feelings Ryan had conveyed in his own writings about his father’s quick remarriage after suffering a similar loss. Leslie found solace in understanding that grief manifests differently for everyone.
In an unexpected turn of events, Leslie met Solomon Berg at a party in 2019. An architect who initially offered to help with home renovations, their relationship blossomed into a deep connection. They married in May 2022 and welcomed a new child, Rhys, in March 2023. Reflecting on her journey of love after loss, Leslie feels “very blessed and lucky” to have found happiness again.
Through her memoir, Leslie aims to offer readers a sense of liberation from rigid expectations surrounding grief. “I hope people walk away feeling they have permission to let go of simplicity in stages of grief,” she shares. Affirming that it is perfectly acceptable for grief to look different from societal norms, she concludes with a light-hearted yet profound reminder: “You should be okay taking a nap.”
Leslie Harter-Berg’s memoir not only provides a firsthand account of her emotional journey but also serves as an encouragement for others to navigate their grief in their own way. With its release, readers are invited to reflect on resilience, love, and the enduring journey of healing.