Best-Selling Writer Cried When Husband Said He Would Date Other People. Now They’re All Happily in a ‘Triad’

Lindy West, a well-known writer and comedian, has shared her personal journey into polyamory, revealing how her relationship dynamics have transformed over the years. Speaking in an interview, West expressed a newfound sense of freedom in her life, noting, “I have two people who love me instead of one.” This shift has come about seven years after she learned that her husband, Ahamefule Oluo, was dating another woman, Roya Amirsoleymani. The three are now contentedly living within what West describes as a “triad.”

West, who has authored several books and adapted her best-seller, “Shrill,” into a popular Hulu series, reflected on her journey towards embracing non-monogamy in a recent episode of the Modern Love podcast. She spoke candidly about how her perceptions of polyamory have evolved over time, challenging the stigma often associated with such relationships.

In 2015, West and Oluo had what she saw as the ideal wedding. However, four years later, she faced emotional turmoil when he began pursuing another woman. West, who has taken on the role of stepmother to Oluo’s two children, initially found the concept of non-monogamy difficult to accept. In her mind, the idea was one she could understand intellectually, yet emotionally it presented a significant challenge.

During the interview, West recounted how Oluo had introduced the notion of polyamory to their relationship after a brief separation in 2011. He explained that he felt possessiveness and jealousy had significantly contributed to the breakdowns of his previous marriages and believed monogamy was not a healthy approach for him. Reflecting on those times, West described her initial reaction to his proposal as one filled with devastation, where she felt she did not want to share him with anyone else.

Despite agreeing to explore non-monogamy, she admitted to avoiding serious discussions on the matter with her husband. However, in 2019, when she discovered that Oluo was romantically involved with Amirsoleymani, everything changed. After a mutual acquaintance spotted them together, West confronted the situation openly. She noted how this led to deeper discussions and, ultimately, to her understanding that she was more uncomfortable than she had previously acknowledged.

Initially, the thought of losing Oluo to Amirsoleymani filled West with anxiety and anger. Yet, as she began to process her feelings, she gradually recognised the benefits of embracing this new dynamic. Meeting Amirsoleymani was a pivotal moment; West described her as “tiny, beautiful, and goth,” and this encounter forced her to confront her insecurities.

Through therapy and a renewed focus on her own identity outside of her marital relationship, West began to cultivate a healthier perspective. She embraced spending time with friends and exploring her own interests, which allowed her to regain a sense of individuality. A crucial turning point arrived when she learned that Amirsoleymani had developed feelings for her, which prompted a significant change in how West viewed their relationship.

The trio soon began to explore romantic possibilities together, and their bond deepened during a video call that carried a palpable tension. As they navigated this intricate new relationship, West acknowledged the complexity of her emotions, admitting that she felt both exhilarated and terrified. Nevertheless, the experience reinforced her connection with both men and women involved in her life.

Years on, the three now live in Washington State and have formed a committed unit. Their shared life emphasises autonomy, love, and mutual support. West has become more vocal about her experiences and the misconceptions surrounding polyamory. She highlights the backlash from individuals misinterpreting their relationship status, stemming from ignorance and fear.

In her observations, West noted that societal hostility towards non-monogamous relationships often reflects deeper insecurities. She underscored that everyone has the right to pursue happiness while maintaining respect for each other’s autonomy. Through her writings and public discussions, West advocates the joy that can be found in liberated relationships.

As she prepares to release her upcoming book, “Adult Braces: Driving Myself Sane,” on 10 March 2024, West continues to encourage open dialogue about diverse relationship models. She concludes with a sense of fulfilment, denoting how, rather than complicating their lives, their triad has enriched their experiences and well-being. “I just feel so much more freedom for myself,” she reflects. In her view, having two partners has ultimately provided her with a deeper sense of love and companionship in her everyday life.